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C’est la vie

Rational egoism. Do what you want!

Only one person will be with you all your life – you! Is it not the serious reason to learn how to understand yourself and talk with yourself openly. Somehow, it’s not always that simple.

I have crated this blog with the idea of openness to the world in the desire to be yourself. But I must admit that it is sometimes very difficult to find yourself. And the difficulty is also in fact that if I know something not really good about myself it means nothing – we all are not black and white, there are a lot of shades of life. And it’s stupid to blame yourself for not being perfect. I have realised that I respect people who are focused on themselves and their needs. Selfishness? Hardly! I’d say «reasonable egoism». Ayn Rand’s term.  I read as crazy the novels of this Russian-American writer. Globally the idea is utopian, but I share her view. 

Scary, it is scary to be yourself. To express for instance an unpopular opinion, do not meet expectations, be not like everyone, be different. Children in schools hates for such things. And here we go, endlessly playing the role and looking around. Sometimes it only seems we know all about ourselves. How about to face your inner nature and to start to think about yourself like about a real person who loves something and something does not, and to do something for him? And here is the problem again. We put responsibility for our lives on others. No? Yes!

We quite often measure our success by their approval, even when the voice inside sometimes is screaming is it all for sheer flattery. But… to accept praise is easier when you believe you it is reasonable and truthful. Am I pretty? Yeah, thanks. Did I do a job I am happy with? Oh, yes, I did! 

But for some reasons we owe everybody something, but not ourselves. Is it painful when you’re not loved? And you think you need to do something for another person to be loved by him then? But the paradox of life is that the more you focus on yourself, on your wishes, ideas and feelings, you’re loved more. An enthusiastic person with his own point of view on all, with the ability to recognise his mistakes, with desires and dreams. Do you want to talk to someone like that over a cup of coffee? I do! And what if he agrees with you all the time? If you don’t understand if he likes what you say or he thinks differently? No disputes, no common ideas. Just smile and wave. Super! Good bye!

It is hard to ask yourself «what I want?». And it is even harder to start to do it. This is some kind of terrible paradigm «become successful in something or do not even try». I believe we need to have pleasure from the process of living. And it means to understand yourself and to give to yourself what is wanted. Weird philosophy? Need boundaries to know what is good and what is bad or you will mess it up? These boundaries already exist in this life – the laws of life are already like this. 

Do you want to live with this man for the rest of your life? The trick is, according to the rules of the game, you and him are free and can leave at any time. So if you really want him to be near, learn to respect his needs just like yours. And in the same time it is also very much about self-respect. Balance should be in everything: listen to yourself and know what you want, but in the same time respect the needs of another person. And be responsible for your life. Do you want to drop everything and quit your job? Well, do it! But think about where you gonna take money to live first. Then yes, maybe you need to get off your backside and soften the blow. Everything has its price.

I think life is like a LEGO. You can randomly join together the pieces or you can follow the instructions and build something piece by piece. Complicated? Of course not! A pleasure! There are adventurers who buy a packet of pieces by weight. I saw it is possible at the store today. Different colors and shapes, you just put what you like in a bag, weigh it and pay for the final weight. In my metaphor, only a few would do such things. To built something sensible in life without following its rules. Huge adventure. 

Most of us of course more often buy a colourful box with instructions and a bright picture on it. And build piece by piece. It’s fun and exciting. You can also make a mistake – then you need to go back and sort it our a bit. Well, something like that. No one is waiting for help when build LEGO. Moreover, it is foolish to share this pleasure with someone else. Let’s be honest with yourselves and look to our boxes. What the details are? What is expected to be built? 

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