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C’est la vie

I cannot listen to other people

I can’t listen to other people. Well, here is what I mean…

There are some people who can beg for everything. I cannot. I talk about myself openly quite often. And I expect the same degree of openness from the person I am talking with. Does not always work. And if it does not, there is a silence, one of those awful silences when you know something’s wrong. Like you’re in the middle of deep forest, you screamed a lot, but now you just shut up and stand in silence like an idiot. And what to do? Ask again something? This kind of feeling like you try to dig into someone’s soul. Since this person’s «personal boarder» is in 300 kilometres from yours. And between them, your boundaries, only the wind howls. He/ she must be wondering why he/ she needs all this information about you, and you’re wondering if you should stick around or leave.

Even the conversation about the weather is not always possible to keep alive. For me, the phrase “the weather is wonderful, the sun shines” is very impersonal. I try to share my emotions, like, for example, “great weather, we went to the park yesterday and found a great place with delicious ice cream…”. The conversation can be stopped already in this stage easily. And what to do further? «And youuuuuuuu, what you diiiiiiiid?». I cannot or rather don’t want to elicit something from the person, if he/ she lets me know he/ she is not interested. 

The rest of the time I love to listen, especially interesting stories and stories with soul. I like to ask more questions if the story is told with any emotions. 

In these days, I think I should not force something, what does not go well. Why I need to torture people if they don’t like sharing and I do not like conversations about nothing. I just feel that way. So if something goes wrong I prefer to go away. Yes, of course, there are many ways to keep the conversation or even relationships alive. But if I see another person does not care about me, why should I care about him/ her? 

I used to please people, I loved to find the best way. I preferred to stay and wait any kind of  reaction. Or I tried gently approach, trying to understand, to unravel what the person means, what he feels and what he wants. Because it is understandable we all have our own internal problems, our fears. But I am tired to do so. You have to talk if you want to collaborate with people, guys! If you keep calm, not show your interest, then for me by default it means I am not interesting to you and you want to be alone. Well… Not problem for me any more.

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